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. . . I was just thinking. I forgot what had started it, something on TV, but it led to a train [train of thought, that is] about my adings. It must have been a commercial about an action movie, cause I started thinking up a crazy adventure scenario - standard procedure, someone threatens the safety of my pals, or of the world, and me and my pals go to work saving it. Like in a movie, and we've got these powers(so do the bad guys) and at some point my ading Janis discovers her hidden abilities and joins in.
Yeah, I've read much too much sci-fi. And seen too much X-Men.
So this train linked over to one of my youngest (biological) sister. Cause in this movie there'd be a stirring emotional scene of being proud of my sister. That made me think of Ruth. I often think of both of them together cause they have the same birthday. (Janis is my "little sister" at school - ading is Tagalog for 'little sibling,' a Filipino language. Ruth is my biological sister)
And I thought of when I was 13, don't know why but I did. And realized my sister's only now two years away from that. Two years! She's freakin' eleven! Why is this special? Well, I'm thinking of myself at 13, and I sure was something. Not as in cocky, but I certainly felt smart and mature. I felt like a real person. And yet, being now 20 and a half, I sure don't take any 13-year-olds seriously. Who is a 13-year-old to me now? Noone! I can't even think of a 13-year-old that I know.
Not to put them down or emphasize too much the difference between them and me. The point is, I was, as far as I knew, a complete entity, whole. The first inklings of a budding maturity. Not my first memories by far, but probably my first memories of me as myself, of doing things not just cause I was told to, but being able to consider my own motivations, plus past events, equaling multiple strings of possibilty/consideration, moving into the future to form my final decision. What's that mean? Where's my sister? She's getting near there herself. She must be nearing this point. She's turning into a real person.